The cream 🍦-  single scoop of "Sweet Cream"

a. flavor -  like a baby rabbit's belly, malty and snuggly 

b. texture - like a butter marshmallow. No ice crystals, so texture is more on the fluffy side and bitable.

c. size - BIG. Can be used as a dinner substitute.

d. varieties offered, GF, V, etc. - A fine line-up, including "earl gray," which I appreciate (spelling excluded, howevour).

Score from 1 to 1,000,000:  806,405

The (waffle) cone

a. flavor - vanilla sweet pea. (Bonus: after steeping for 20 minutes, smell lingers in the hair for up to 10 hours)

a. thickness - two pennies deep

b. heartiness - healthy, like a strong teenager horse

c. drip-proofness - 1 out of 2 prone to leakiness. Good thing these things aren't tampons. (Sorry.)

Score from 1 to 1,000,000: 945,788

The cost

$8.68 including tax for 1 scoop ($4.99), 1 waffle cone ($1.45), and 1 topping ($1.45).  Equivalent to:

a giant 76-ounce tub of Costco cookie dough, "Freezable For Up To Two Months".

The ambiance

a. Staff friendliness - jolly good. Ask before taking pictures.

b. Foot traffic - healthy congestion for a Saturday eve.  Like a secret party, not too stuffy.

c. Seating options, music, swag, pints to go, wifi - roomy to sit, decor reminiscent of cotton candy or the insides of a Taylor Swift music video. No wifi, but retro hipster vibe with a side twang robust enough to include Dolly Parton's "Jolene." Ready-access pints freezer for quick, gluttonous getaways. Pricey swag and $10 sprinkles.

Score from 1 to 1,000,000: 880,000

Social consciousness

a. Local sourced milk - check. "Smith brothers farms"

b. Fair trade - check. Chocolates, teas, coffees.

c. Recycling/compost - errythang. 🌎

d. Giving program - 1% of sales to nonprofits addressing hunger, women empowerment, and race equity. so YEAH! boomshakalaka!

e. Employee benefits - Sweet beans for the mooncrew!!! Top of the industry. No tips but $18.00/hr entry level wage, paid vacay and family/medical leave, dental/vision, 401K, subsidized ORCA cards, ETC! 

Score from 1 - 1,000,000: 994,999

OVERALL SCORE 🥁: 906,798 

"Feeling hot-hot-hot." - Michael Scott